beware reflex moves: Aspects of coping whether you stay put, or make that move.

<BODY TEXT="000040" LINK="ff0000" VLINK="7080f0" ALINK="ff0000" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF"> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><IMG SRC="images/coping.gif" ALT="COPING TITLE" BORDER="0" WIDTH="280" HEIGHT="44"></P> <TABLE WIDTH="100%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="3%"></TD> <TD WIDTH="95%"> <P><A NAME="A"></A> <BR> <BR><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold">A is for</FONT><B> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Curlz MT" COLOR="#008040">... ability</FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Crucial in terms of coping. What are your abilities? You have:</FONT></B></P> <OL> <LI><B><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF0080">physical</FONT></B></LI> <LI><B><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#0000A0">mental</FONT></B></LI> <LI><B><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#008000">and emotional</FONT></B></LI> </OL> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>abilities. In each area you should be able to identify your own strengths and weaknesses, and possibly those of your carers?</B></FONT></P> <TABLE WIDTH="91%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="463" ALIGN="LEFT"> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#0080FF" FACE="Adelaide" SIZE="+2">... aggression</FONT> <BR></B>Not what you might expect, in terms of coping, but another word for 'cope' is 'respond'. We all need to remember that people respond to situations in their own unique way, usually in ways we can predict. But, if they cannot cope - finding themselves backed into a corner they may lash out, responding in unexpected, irrational ways. <BR></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Remember too that prolonged verbal aggression can be as bad as a one-off physical incident.</FONT></P></TD> <TD COLSPAN="3" WIDTH="463" ALIGN="CENTER"><B><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><IMG SRC="images/fight.jpg" ALT="fight" WIDTH="160" HEIGHT="173" ALIGN="TOP"></FONT></B></TD> </TR> <TR> <TD WIDTH="463" ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="SwitzerlandNarrow" COLOR="#004080">... Alarm</FONT><IMG SRC="images/panicbtn.gif" ALT="panic button" WIDTH="57" HEIGHT="58" HSPACE="25"> <P><BR> </P></TD> <TD WIDTH="463" COLSPAN="3">In addition to emergency / call systems in flats/sheltered housing there are personal alarms that councils, welfare agencies can provide for a weekly charge. These can help provide insurance increasing confidence all around</TD> </TR> <TR> <TD WIDTH="469" ALIGN="CENTER" COLSPAN="2"> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">You need to attend to many things at a time like this. Try to ensure you remain focused as when moving even the little things matter. When things happen suddenly, the currents of life carry us along, we may not realise what we are doing. Things are disposed of before they should be, possessions given away in a blur of events and emotions. Attention to minor things now, can be worthwhile.</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana"></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">Although it may be very hard, try to be focused, do take an interest. If alternately you are operating through a fog, get someone to review things with you, as soon as you reasonably can.</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">They can hardly complain that you're interfering?</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">It is your move, your life; even if it affects theirs!</FONT></P></TD> <TD WIDTH="447" ALIGN="RIGHT"> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT COLOR="#00FF00" SIZE="+5" FACE="CopperPot">... attention!</FONT></P> </TD> <TD WIDTH="10"></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <TABLE WIDTH="90%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="172" COLSPAN="2"> <P><FONT SIZE="+4" COLOR="#0080FF" FACE="BigTop">... ASSERTIVE</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">Some times you have to be. (Not to be confused with stubbornness, obstinacy, cussedness...) 'Door mats' may have an easy time, but they soon get worn when used a lot.</FONT></P></TD> <TD WIDTH="259" ALIGN="CENTER"><IMG SRC="images/lodgingmanager2-w.gif" ALT="man juggling house" WIDTH="100" HEIGHT="100" HSPACE="10"></TD> <TD WIDTH="270" ALIGN="RIGHT"> <P><FONT COLOR="#FF00FF" SIZE="+4" FACE="Bradley Hand ITC"><B>... advocate</B></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">Can you speak up for your interests - if not you may need an advocate. There should be a service near to you. Independent advice - not (just) family and friends can prove a revelation.</FONT></P></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Bradley Hand ITC" SIZE="+4" COLOR="#400080">... <FONT FACE="Carleton">advice </FONT></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana"> If you need advice make sure you go to the right place. A counsellor may not (should not?) give you this.</FONT><A NAME="B"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>B is for </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#008040">... <FONT FACE="CopperPot">backdoor</FONT><A HREF="cons.htm#B"></A></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">We have backdoors, rear entrances to provide ease of access, and an emergency exit. </FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">What will your back door be, if things don't work out?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Or have you travelled through life so far without leaving a backdoor - always burning your bridges?</FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT SIZE="+4" FACE="Arabia" COLOR="#800000">... belonging</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Feeling that we belong, have associations, relationships with other people and places helps us deal and cope with the world.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">If you feel you have a sense of belonging, be that family, home,<IMG SRC="images/CROWD.gif" ALT="CROWD" WIDTH="121" HEIGHT="71" ALIGN="MIDDLE" HSPACE="5">community - ideally all three - then as they say "the future's bright .." If you have all three <B>prior</B> to moving, how easy will it be to find ALL three in your new situation?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">What can you do now to improve, make the transition easier for you? Places change even if you lived there for twenty years, thirty years ago. It's difficult to replace a sense of community based on happy memories in one place, with another where the community is out of reach - due to mobility problems or other factors. What services can you rely on, to overcome such difficulties now or in the future?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+4" FACE="Arabia" COLOR="#8000FF">... belief</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">In yourself and others - including those no longer with us.</FONT><A NAME="C"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold">C is for</FONT> <FONT FACE="Avalon" SIZE="+5">... <I>CAR </I></FONT><IMG SRC="images/car.jpg" ALT="car" WIDTH="200" HEIGHT="133" HSPACE="20"></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Everyone recognizes how we depend upon the car. </FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Social and economic mobility follows the rise of the car. Admittedly public transport provides social mobility (1 bus = 50 car journeys), but the convenience is missing, unless things change by way of (UK) Governmental policy. <BR> <BR>Our dependence hits hard when they breakdown, or when the driver is no longer able (or safe) to drive.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Running a car is critical to people's coping with everyday life, especially for older people. When physical mobility is reduced shopping can prove impossible.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Key 'car' points as you consider a move include:</FONT></P> <UL> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#408080">your ability to drive - are you still competent to drive;</FONT></LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#400080">who did the driving before;</FONT> </LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF80FF">the financial costs of running a car;</FONT></LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF0000">security;</FONT></LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#0080FF">distances - no problem locally; but 30-50 miles is a problem;</FONT></LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF8000">if you can drive do you need to move;</FONT></LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#408080">how long do you (reasonably) expect to drive for?</FONT></LI> </UL> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"></FONT>It is not unknown of course for people to start to drive in their 60s, having been dependent on their partner for most of their lives. While at the other extreme GPs (family doctors) have a very difficult task:</FONT></P> <UL> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF0080"><B>knowing someone is unfit to drive;</B></FONT></LI> <LI><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>persuading that individual they are medically unfit;</B></FONT></LI> </UL> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">They must often depend on family (or the police!) to inform them, as people cling to their ability to drive even when it has left them. Don't be caught out - as no doubt many will be as the proportion of elderly drivers grows. This is becoming a major problem. Use the car to cope, but don't become an accident statistic - which can so often involve others, with potentially fatal consequences.</FONT> </P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT COLOR="#808040" SIZE="+5" FACE="Copperplate">... care package</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">If someone needs care in the community an assessment is done to determine their needs and then the appropriate services are organised to help support people in their home.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Don't ignore this possibility. <BR></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">People can be cared for with quite severe physical and mental health problems. If you care for someone you are also entitled to assessment in your own right. <BR></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT COLOR="#FF0080" SIZE="+4" FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">... communication</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana"><B>As ever in things social, whether -</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana"><B>within the family;</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana"><B><IMG SRC="file:///E|/Moving/images/wh_fence.gif" ALT="white fence" WIDTH="84" HEIGHT="47"></B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana"><B>across the garden fence; </B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana"><B>or between nation states EFFECTIVE communication counts.</B></FONT></P> <TABLE WIDTH="95%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="25%"> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+3" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF0000">... compromise</FONT></P></TD> <TD> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT COLOR="#000000" FACE="Comic Sans MS">Life is about compromise? Will it really hurt so much to accept the 'lifeline' a personal alarm that you can wear to summon help in emergency? Stuck in the bath, at the bottom of the stairs? Fingers x'd you will never need it, but if you do ...</FONT></P></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold">... confidence & </FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="USALight" COLOR="#FF0000">... COURAGE</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">If you have prepared then confidence follows. Emigration? Now that takes a whole lot of courage - in more ways than one!</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">Family in Northern and Southern hemispheres? Family in Europe and the Americas?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">Why emigrate or move, <FONT SIZE="+7">if</FONT><FONT FACE="Verdana">(that's a big if I know) you can have "the best of both worlds?"</FONT></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">(As someone once cited to me - having arrived in the States to stay with family, for a holiday.) <BR> <BR> Sometimes you have to say - <BR>"Look enough already! <BR> I'm hear for four months, I've grandchildren here, but I've grandchildren back 'home' too. <BR> Please don't pressure me, it's lovely to see you, I love you all, please let's just enjoy the time we have." <BR>Like I said it takes courage, tact, diplomacy....</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Verdana" SIZE="+5" COLOR="#408080">... contingencies</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">Having a contigency plan has the added bonus of boosting confidence. <BR> <BR>If you make a move whilst in shock, you probably won't think of this.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT COLOR="#008000" SIZE="+5">... counselling</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana">Don't expect the counsellor to give you 'good counsel'. <BR>They can help you frame your problem and how you feel you are best suited to solve it.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+1" COLOR="#FF0000"><FONT FACE="Verdana">The decision is yours!</FONT><A NAME="D"></A></FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>D is for</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Bassoon" COLOR="#C0C0C0">... denial</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">We all use denial at various stages of our lives, even every day if we scrutinize our motivations and actions.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">It is when people rely on it alone, or any other 'defence' mechanism (coping strategy) to relieve their anxiety that future problems are laid.</FONT> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#0080FF">... dependency</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">Life has its ironies.... When a partner dies, we find out so much about ourselves and the role and relationship we have had with that other person. Usually what we took for granted. Who sorted the finances; shopping; tax; bills; car insurance and many other things. Learning to take on 'new' things like this can be a useful coping strategy, in turn helping to come to terms with a new routine, way of life.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#008040">... d r e a m s</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><IMG SRC="images/daynight.gif" ALT="DAY & NIGHT" BORDER="0" WIDTH="560" HEIGHT="16"></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>The place where broken rhythms are reconstituted. </B></FONT>(Henri Lefebvre)<A NAME="E"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>E is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" COLOR="#FF80C0" FACE="Bahamas">... energy <IMG SRC="file:///E|/Moving/images/gear.gif" ALT="gears" WIDTH="120" HEIGHT="80"></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">Just because you're "getting on" doesn't mean your running on empty.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#808080">Even if the cogs turn more slowly with a sense of purpose lots can still be done.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Viner Hand ITC" SIZE="+4" COLOR="#008040">... EMPATHY</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">Whose shoes have you tried to 'stand' in - your mother's, father's, son's, daughter's, or even a grandchild's perhaps?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">What do they see? What do they feel?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">The same as you? Being you is a full-time occupation, but trying to 'feel' and 'see' for someone else is at best a part-time pursuit. Never easy, part of what it is to be human. Don't let relationships, duty, obligation, what ought to be done trip you up. Listening is better than rejecting, denying or trivialising the fears, opinions of others.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">Try to empathize with your family and friends, why are they concerned?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">What has happened recently? Would I feel the same way?</FONT><A NAME="F"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>F is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Kids" COLOR="#FF0000">... fatalism</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>If you are fatalistic, stoical, are you simply going with the flow, giving in to the inevitable?</B></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>Are you really that 'disabled' you are unable to say what you want.</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+3" FACE="Flexure" COLOR="#008040">... faith</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana"><B>If you have a faith, something that you believe in - you may find guidance there?</B></FONT><A NAME="G"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>G is for</B></FONT> </P> <P><FONT COLOR="#008040" SIZE="+4" FACE="CasperOpenFace"><B>... grief</B></FONT> </P> <TABLE WIDTH="96%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="186"><IMG SRC="images/Walking.jpg" ALT="Walking" ALIGN="LEFT" WIDTH="126" HEIGHT="188" HSPACE="15"></TD> <TD WIDTH="760"> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Our culture grants little time to deal with grief, before life must return to the daily routine, albeit a new one. At work it's 2-3 days, although grief (even though the process has only just begun) often demands that people take longer. Very often it is bereavement that precipitates the knee jerk reaction of a house move. Sometimes to the detriment of all those involved. If nobody is in immediate danger allow some time for emotions to settle a little. Many people think this can be a full year, as dealing with loss means missing them through the four seasons with their birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other significant events and dates. As to moving some partners talk this through, which can help those left enormously to cope and decide what to do.</FONT></P></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+5" COLOR="#FF80C0" FACE="Bahamas">... guidance</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">If you need it then seek it from whatever source</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">citizen's advice; social services organisations; welfare rights; housing; pastoral; </FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">the voluntary sector - <IMG SRC="file:///E|/Moving/images/HELPaged.GIF" ALT="help the aged logo" WIDTH="92" HEIGHT="63"><A HREF="http://www.helptheaged.org.uk">Help The Aged</A>; </FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Verdana" COLOR="#808080">special groups such as Parkinson's Disease and Alzheimer's Disease Societies to name just a few.</FONT><A NAME="H"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold">H is for</FONT> <FONT COLOR="#FF8000" SIZE="+4" FACE="Castanet">... housing</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">It is amazing (at least I think so?) how many people initiate moving a loved one without considering some very basic options.</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">That is with:</FONT></P> <UL> <LI><FONT FACE="BallroomTango" SIZE="+2" COLOR="#0080FF">Their relative - their wishes, etc...</FONT><IMG SRC="images/housemap.gif" ALT="house" ALIGN="TEXTTOP" WIDTH="72" HEIGHT="71" HSPACE="15"> <BR></LI> <LI><FONT COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="BallroomTango" SIZE="+2">Or housing agencies and associations.</FONT></LI> </UL> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Admittedly they are not obliged to, and if everyone did so tomorrow - chaos might just ensue. <BR> But it really is worth checking out the options.</FONT></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+4" FACE="Curlz MT"><B>... hyperactivity</B></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Sometimes to cope people throw themselves (and others as a consequence) into an episode of hyperactivity that can last days. Energy that proved so elusive before, now seems on free flow - and with no sign of let up.</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Hyperactivity is an oft used coping strategy, one that younger people take for granted. It often helps burn up 'psychic' mental energy. But can be a sign of denial, "everything seemed great, he was doing all sorts to help with the move, but now!?"</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Usually there is a price that goes with this and it's usually exhaustion - physical, emotional and social. Take care.</FONT><A NAME="I"></A> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>I is for </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Lucida Fax" COLOR="#0080FF">... incontinence</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">When people make assumptions they usally look for evidence to back those assumptions up. If your continence is a problem don't be persuaded (bullied even) into giving up your independence because of that.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Most services have dedicated (that is what they do) continence advisors, or staff who include this role in their other work.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">You can get advice, support - incontinence is not a problem just restricted to 'old uns'.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="KabanaBook" COLOR="#408080">... independence</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">From birth to the age of sixteen years (or thereabouts) being lovingly prepared for it, yearning for it, and maybe fighting for it, YOUR independence isn't something to give up lightly.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Most health and social service agencies recognise this fact.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">You and your family may be surprised that rather than encourage you to give up your home, they may be able to help you (and your family if needed) to look at ways to stay in your home!</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Euromode" COLOR="#800000">... insurance</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana">Just in case.... check the extent of your cover..</FONT><A NAME="J"></A> <BR> <BR> </P> <TABLE WIDTH="83%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="273"> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B> J is for</B></FONT></P></TD> <TD WIDTH="135"><FONT FACE="SwitzerlandCondBlack" SIZE="+5" COLOR="#0000A0">JUSTICE</FONT></TD> <TD WIDTH="214"><IMG SRC="images/judge2-frame.gif" ALT="Judge - justice?" WIDTH="80" HEIGHT="120" HSPACE="25"></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" SIZE="+2">Everyone deserves a second chance? Don't they?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana" SIZE="+2">Even after a fall - and a spell in hospital?</FONT><A NAME="K"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>K is for</B></FONT> <FONT COLOR="#0080FF" SIZE="+4" FACE="DawnCastle">... kindred ... </FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">... spirit? Very precious if you have one, could be a friend, but not always.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">It could be an author who strikes a cord, via their thoughts, reflections on life, opinions and actions, common interests, outlook, and companionship. Essentially someone who relates well to you and usually vice-versa. So who is yours? If you haven't got one - perhaps you will find one soon. When senior family members are faced with change it is a 'kindred spirit', 'friend', 'boundary spanner', call them what you will - that can make all the difference in getting them to accept day care, respite care and other help. Sometimes just accepting change.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Verdana">If carers know that such services are available then caring can continue. Kindred spirits I suppose help define, and find space, both physically - like a breathe of fresh air, and emotionally - you're not alone.</FONT><A NAME="L"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>L is for</B></FONT> <FONT COLOR="#FF0000" SIZE="+4" FACE="Envision">... laughter <IMG SRC="images/sunlaugh.gif" ALT="sun laughing" WIDTH="51" HEIGHT="52"></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">It really is the best therapy - scientifically proven .... Did you hear the one about - ....... Try these <A HREF="http://www.jokes.com">Jokes.com </A> <BR><A HREF="http://www.cea.com">amused.com</A></FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT FACE="Euromode" SIZE="+5" COLOR="#B93706">... Limits</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Independence is one thing, but recognising your own limits especially when they are changing more quickly cannot be easy. Do you know your limits? How far you can walk? How long could you manage "without seeing a soul?" What about bathing? This item links with ability, since if you don't know one, you probably have a poor idea of the other?</FONT><A NAME="M"></A> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B><A NAME="M"><IMG SRC="images/MUSIC.gif" ALT="music" WIDTH="325" HEIGHT="86">M</A> is for...</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+4" COLOR="#0080FF" FACE="Mystical">MUSIC<IMG SRC="images/phumana.gif" ALT="Lara Fabian - Fantastique!" WIDTH="160" HEIGHT="157"></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Music is a great restorative and popular leisure activity - take it easy on the country music though. <BR> </FONT></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+4" COLOR="#0080FF" FACE="Mystical"><FONT FACE="News Gothic MT" COLOR="#800080">... m e m o r i e s & memory</FONT></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Can talking about them help? The bad ones? You could try boxing them up, but leaving them behind. The good ones - I hope you can take them with you.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">As for 'memory' there are practical things that can done, to help people and their carers cope better with memory problems. In terms of coping staying put is the only option for elderly people (and very tragically - much younger individuals) suffering with dementia. They only cope due to being in a familiar, for them stable environment. Take them away from that and "mild confusion" can become much worse. What is the use of their being closer to you if you have to visit 3-4 times more frequently, and for 2-3 times longer than before?</FONT> <BR></P> <P><B><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold">N is for</FONT></B><FONT SIZE="+4" COLOR="#FF0080" FACE="BravoEngraved">... nice (but <FONT COLOR="#FF0000">naughty</FONT>)</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">Treat yourself (occasionally! - no excuse - for binging; drinking to excess) you deserve it.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+4" COLOR="#808080" FACE="Architecture">... Neglect</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Don't be surprised when those things you decided to ignore come back and hit you.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><FONT COLOR="#800040"><B>RESPONSIBILITY</B></FONT> and <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"><B>BLAME</B></FONT> are not included here. <BR></FONT></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+4" COLOR="#008000" FACE="Architecture">... normality</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Is there such a thing? Can you agree with family/friends on what is 'normal' for you? If you can this might help. First though - agree on just how much detail - your bowels!? </FONT><A NAME="O"></A> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><B><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>O is for </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Desdemona" COLOR="#008040">... openess</FONT></B></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">There comes a time to speak your mind - GO FOR IT! <BR></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Copperplate" COLOR="#FF8040">... opportunity</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Sometimes you have to be ready to grab a chance.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">It's these gambles put the lotteries in their place.<A NAME="P"></A> <BR> <BR> <BR></FONT></P> <TABLE WIDTH="60%" BGCOLOR="#0080C0"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="30%"></TD> <TD WIDTH="30%" COLSPAN="2"> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>P is for</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="BigTop" COLOR="#FFFF00">... PATIENCE</FONT></P></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Needed in large doses - on both sides, all quarters. <BR></FONT> </P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+5" COLOR="#0080FF">+<FONT COLOR="#008000">+</FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000">+</FONT> <FONT FACE="BigTop" COLOR="#FF8040">... positive <FONT COLOR="#800000">+</FONT><FONT COLOR="#008000">+</FONT><FONT COLOR="#0080FF">+</FONT></FONT></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">It may be cliche to "think positive" but it helps keep depression at bay and boosts the immune system. <BR></FONT> <BR><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Kids" COLOR="#FF0000">... PETS</FONT></P> <TABLE WIDTH="80%"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="15%><P ALIGN="><IMG SRC="images/housemap.gif" ALT="house" WIDTH="72" HEIGHT="71"></TD> <TD> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><IMG SRC="images/paws.gif" ALT="paws prints walking" WIDTH="578" HEIGHT="35" ALIGN="BOTTOM"></P></TD> <TD WIDTH="15%"> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><IMG SRC="images/housemap.gif" ALT="house" WIDTH="72" HEIGHT="71"></P></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Pets. One thing they never fail to do - is amaze in terms of their meaning to people. They often keep people going, people who are confused to the extent they don't know their way home but the dog does.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">The sheer love and companionship they provide is universally recognized. <BR></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">At the other end of scale - well..... they can prevent people going to day care, people making a move.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">How many weddings does aunty Flo miss half of - because, they have to get back home for Tess (the pooch)?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B><I>P.S. Any vets out there will observe that this animal is very well trained (eg walking), and no cruelty was involved.</I></B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><BR> <FONT COLOR="#8080C0" FACE="Technical" SIZE="+4">... p l a n</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Yes you've got to have a dream but - a plan may help too!</FONT><A NAME="Q"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>Q is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF8000">... Quiet!</FONT> <FONT SIZE="+1"> (please)</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Find some time and take it easy, pick up that book, or maybe - draw the curtains, go the whole hog ladies and put the leotard on, not you chaps - oh well suit yourself Fred, then put the relaxation tape on and enjoy - don't forget to cover up the budgie. <BR></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Dom Casual" SIZE="+4">... questions</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">That have no answers? We encourage 7 year olds to ask them, why not 70 year olds? If you don't know - ask! Before you go to see someone (or they come to see you) a Dr, counsellor, whoever, make a list of questions that you want to ask them. At the time people often forget. As long as you're not waving a list like a family of five's monthly shop receipt at them they should understand. </FONT><A NAME="R"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>R is for </B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Freeport" COLOR="#008040">... reminiscing</FONT> </P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Your memories of the past can be an enormous comfort. But as the present may seem to hold less meaning for you, do keep a handle on what is going on around you. This ability is an enormous gift don't waste it living entirely in the past. <BR> <BR> </FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Kids" COLOR="#FF0000">... regression</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">"Grow up!" If someone suggests you stop acting like a 'child', or you find yourself saying this, then perhaps somebody is reverting to child-like behaviour that proved successful in the past - in terms of meeting a need.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">It doesn't look good in an adult though. <BR> <BR></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Courier New" COLOR="#FF00BB" SIZE="+5">... respite</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Regular respite from a caring role can make the difference between moving and not moving. Would you qualify? How much would be available? Would Mary, (Fred) actually agree to go?</FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+5" COLOR="#FF8000" FACE="Cooper Black">... rationalisation</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Not to worry this can be quite healthy. You never did like the view from the kitchen window did you?</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">The holiday/festival get togethers were starting to fall apart anyway?</FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold" SIZE="+2"><B>S is for</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="LiquidCrystal" COLOR="#0080FF">... Space </FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">You know this is valuable when you start to feel like throwing someone out by their frontier - <B> <BR>OK, OK no more like that!</B> Seriously - we all need space for ourselves.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Eurostile Extended" COLOR="#408080">... sile</FONT><FONT COLOR="#408080" SIZE="+3">n</FONT><FONT SIZE="+2">c</FONT><FONT SIZE="+1">e</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">If you have space, quiet - do you automatically have silence? <BR>Silence to think in, reflect, remember, regret, enjoy, worry. <BR>Which do you do most of - when there is a silence? <BR>Do you fill the silence with the TV, radio, Internet? <BR></FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Kids,Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF00FF">... S U N S H I N E</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">Really does help make you smile. </FONT> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#FF0080"><B>... support</B></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Don't be too proud to make use of any support that is available.</FONT> <FONT FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><A HREF="resources.htm">RESOURCES</A></FONT> <A NAME="T"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>T is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#008040">... telephone<IMG SRC="images/phone.gif" ALT="phone - 'Hi mum'" WIDTH="108" HEIGHT="101"></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">It really is good to talk.</FONT> <A NAME="U"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>U is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Copperplate Gothic Light" COLOR="#800080">... U n B u R d E n E d</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Although friends are usually those to whom you may 'unburden' yourself that's not the done thing for everyone. Finding someone you can trust and share your deepest fears with can mean that you realize you are not alone. </FONT><A NAME="V"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B><IMG SRC="images/game.jpg" ALT="game visual" WIDTH="81" HEIGHT="81" HSPACE="15">V is for</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="+5" COLOR="#8080FF" FACE="LiquidCrystal">... visualization</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><BR> <B>Trying to project or imagine yourself somewhere else in the future is not easy, and if your imaginings do differ from the final reality I hope the differences are for the better.</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>Some people have a more active imagination, they picture things quite readily.</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>Sharing a vision is more difficult, especially when rose tinted glasses are involved.</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B><A NAME="W"></A> <BR>At the end of the day many choices come down to, intuition, gut instinct, a feeling, call it what you will.</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS"><B>If at all possible don't rely on these alone - check things out.</B></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>W is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Copperplate Gothic Bold" COLOR="#008040">... withdrawal</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">This is a legitimate response when faced with a difficult choice, but for the longer term of limited value.</FONT> <BR></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><IMG SRC="images/httpwww.gif" ALT="HTTP:\\........" WIDTH="76" HEIGHT="80"> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold" COLOR="#FF0000">... www</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">People get help on the internet with a variety of problems. Make sure any advice, guidance is from a reputable source.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Otherwise, it's easy to weave a web of support. </FONT><A NAME="X"></A> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>X is for</B></FONT> <FONT COLOR="#FF0080" FACE="Amherst"><FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="CopperPot" COLOR="#FF0000">... eXciting</FONT> </FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Nothing like change to pep you up. <A NAME="Y"></A> <BR> <BR></FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>Y is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="CasablancaAntique" COLOR="#8080FF">... Yesterdays</FONT> <IMG SRC="images/beckhole.gif" ALT="beckhole" WIDTH="156" HEIGHT="157" HSPACE="15"></P> <P><FONT FACE="Comic Sans MS">Yes, after 24 hours of age we have all had them, they are part of you, some you will want to cherish, some forget, but whichever emotion they stir - a smile, a tear remember it's your life.</FONT> <BR> <BR></P> <P><FONT SIZE="+2" FACE="Arial Rounded MT Bold"><B>Z is for</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+5" FACE="Comic Sans MS" COLOR="#8080FF"><FONT FACE="Envision"><B><FONT COLOR="#800000">zoo</FONT></B></FONT><IMG SRC="file:///E|/Moving/images/dolphin.gif" ALT="Dolphin" WIDTH="101" HEIGHT="100" HSPACE="25"></FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">This may seem contrived, but people have stated that given a crisis, they feel that their lives have suddenly become a zoological exhibit.</FONT></P> <P><FONT FACE="Verdana">The whole family peering in, stiring things up, people suggesting things when they -</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana">"n'er seen sight nor sound of them for 12 years!"</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana">Patience soon becomes frayed. Another turn of phrase springs to mind - "nip it in the bud" - but don't close the door on everyone.</FONT></P> <P ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT FACE="Verdana">They NEED to ensure you are aok. Besides, you could always charge an entrance fee.</FONT></P> </TD> <TD WIDTH="2%"></TD> </TR> </TABLE> </BODY>